Some priceless lessons learned in the field?

  • The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators or by one estimator at ten different times
  • You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it
  • At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.
  • When all’s said and done a lot more is said than done
  • There’s never enough time to do it right first time but there’s always enough time to go back and do it again
  • A problem shared is a buck passed
  • Too few people on a project can’t solve the problems – too many create more problems than they solve
Two project managers (named “Process” and “Clueless”) walked out of their Mustang into a store. “Process” realized he had left his keys in the car, and locked the door! He followed the protocol: called AAA and while he was waiting for them to come went to the car to try and pick the lock. Tired of waiting, “Clueless” soon joined him. Frustrated that it was pouring heavily as well, he shouts to “Process”, “Hurry up. It’s raining hard and the top’s down!”
A project manager (named “Dumb”) was driving in a car with his project sponsor. The sponsor asked “Dumb” to stick his head out the window and see if the blinkers were working. ”Dumb” stuck his head out and said, ‘Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…’
What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
~ A programmer whose told one too many project manager jokes
It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by impregnating nine women (schedule compression, eh?)
What does the project manager miss the most at a kick-off meeting?
~The invitation
What’s one never ending meeting?
~2 project managers in front of their project sponsors at a status update meeting, each saying “you go first”
Once, a project manager who was extremely addicted to using MS Office products to manage his projects, was drowning at sea. Some watchers on the beach could hear faint shouts “F1…F1…F1″ but couldn’t really tell what was going on. Needless to say, the project manager drowned.
5 quick anecdotes from a veteran project manager to a novice at their company -

  • While you are here, on your keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key
  • Don’t get too excited with a pat on the back. It is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt
  • Remember, you don’t have an attitude problem; someone else has a perception problem
  • Grow to love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by
  • Accept that on some days you are the pigeon, but on most days…you are the statue
A fitting plaque for the PMO director’s desk in these crazy economic times?

  • The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts

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